Spring Awakening gave me the answers
Spoiler alerts for the musical Spring Awakening lie ahead
If you have a musical theater lover in your life, you may want to steer clear of them next week, as it will be a time full of suppressed emotion bubbling to the surface. The Spring Awakening documentary, Spring Awakening: Those You've Known, premieres on HBO on May 3 (the same day we’re getting a new Gaga song, so blessed). The special features the original cast and creative team, as they chronicle “their whirlwind journey back to the stage,” fifteen-years later.
Now if you’re not a musical theater person, hear me when I say this is the musical for you. The score, written by Duncan Sheik of “Barely Breathing” fame, is as close to rock, musical theater perfection as you can get. I recall countless nights lying in bed, Walkman in hand, with Spring Awakening on repeat.
The musical is based on the 1891 German play Spring Awakening by Frank Wedekind, and is a coming-of-age story full of teen angst, as well as innocence.
For those quiet, shy kids who had an affinity for theater, Spring Awakening was our way of rebelling. I can only image that similar feelings were felt when Rent premiered in 1996. We saw ourselves on stage, as we ourselves began to question our own faith and peers. It was our secret, as we assumed our parents didn’t know what the show was about. “It’s a musical, how edgy could it be?” we imagined them saying. Little did they know.
I had torn out this photo from a Teen Vogue issue and taped it to my closet wall. I stared at it often.
With song titles such as “The Bitch of Living” and “Totally Fucked” we felt defiant, mature listening to it. Those songs were our anthems. And the first time I heard “Touch Me” I understood everything. I understood (or at least at that time, I thought I did) love, desire, lust. And the haunting melody and lyrics of Those You’ve Known still lingers.
I believe Spring Awakening was my first Broadway experience (either that or Legally Blonde). I don’t think my mom realized that at 15-years-old I would be seeing t*ts and ass on stage. But boy, did I. The production itself was almost like an act of defiance. The band was on the stage! They cursed and gave the middle finger! Audience members could sit on stage! We saw two men kiss! Perhaps it was the nearly 10 years of Catholic school that had left my body when I entered the theater that day or my limited life experience, but I couldn’t get enough of it.
And the cast. Jonathan Groff and John Gallagher Jr. were rock stars. And Lea Michele was the person every theater girl wanted to be. We had our poor Moritz Stiefel, nervous, unsure, and confused about the act of growing up. And Melchior and Wendla, acting on their impulses, whether they knew what they were doing or not. Both representing the different aspects and feelings of growing up.
This Tony Performance was life-changing
Spring Awakening was a constant during my teenage years. At my sixteenth birthday party, the DJ played “My Junk” and my best friend Katie and I slithered around the dance floor, attempting to do the show’s chorography. We would later go on to perform “The Dark I Know Well” (which is arguably the show’s darkest song) at a SCHOOL FUNDRAISER. I still cannot believe we did that.
We and other friends would also randomly burst out in song dialogue:
“No, I love you Hänschen, as I have never loved anyone.”
“And so you should.”
When I briefly went to Temple University for a semester I took an acting class, which was a ray of light during a very depressive spell. For our final project, we could perform a scene from any play, musical or movie of our choosing. I suggested to my partner that we do a particularly delicate scene, where the character of Melchior hits Wendla with a switch. I’m pretty sure we got an A. Darren, if you’re out there, you’re a good sport and I owe you a drink.
As I mentioned earlier, I, and my friends who loved the show, were around the same age as the musical’s characters. As Melchior says in “The Mirror-Blue Night,”
But there's nowhere to hide
From the ghost in my mind.
It's cold in these bones
Of a man and a child.
Many of us who discovered this musical when it first came out were just entering high school, when life was as confusing as it could ever get. And for those around my age, I think that’s why Spring Awakening holds such a special place for us. We discovered ourselves through this show.
As I’m typing this I’m listening to the entire soundtrack, something I haven’t done in a very long time. And now I remember why - it always makes me cry. Crying because I love this musical so very much, and crying because of how much it impacted a younger me. Everything that was puzzling to me during that time made sense because of that show.
Spring Awakening gave me the answers.
And all shall know the wonder
I will sing the song of purple summer